It’s Anita’s Life

  I had plans, so many plans for this Christmas… It was going to be my Luca’s first Christmas and I couldn’t wait to start our own family traditions! Christmas Pictures, matching PJs, Christmas movies…true Joy of Christmas. How could this be? How could this be our reality? We will start those traditions, but they will look different than I imagined them. He won’t be here with us. There’s gonna be an empty space in our family for the rest of our lives. There won’t be any baby sounds, babbling, cooing, screams. There won’t be baby pictures galore. There won’t be joy, true joy. There won’t be smiles or happiness. I have never felt this empty, this dark… We are going to be parents for the first time with empty hands. This is what nightmares are made of, the worst type, where you can’t wake up. No matter how much you try to wake up, you jump, you pinch yourself, you scream…you can’t wake up. How can I possibly find the Joy of the Lord through this? I know, I know. He’s near the broken-h...

Friday, June 24, 2022. 28 weeks 3 days. I had been feeling Luca moving less. I still felt him, which calmed me, but his movements were softer. A week before he created a schedule; mornings while mama gets ready, it’s party time! Nighttime, while mama rests, it’s party time! I started feeling a sore throat coming. Must be the change in weather. I didn’t think much of it. I proceeded with my night like usual. Relaxing, in bed, after a long work day. I took out my favorite book to read to him; “Love you forever”.  I love this book. It made me picture my life with my Luca. From his mischievous adventures to his hard, teenage years. My most favorite part is the most famous, the promise from mama to her baby;  “I’ll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”. Gosh, those words hold such a different meaning now…I gotta say those words without him with me…feeling his kicks… Saturday, June 25, 2022. 28 weeks 4 days. Woke up with the same soar t...

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a long, heavy, painful, irregular cycle. I wish I could tell you there was one magical way to fix things, but there isn’t. I’ve been on this road for 5 years now. This all began a couple months before my first pregnancy, back in 2017,  that I’ve been on this hard, long journey of becoming a mama. Back in 2017 I signed up for insurance through my job and decided I wanted to get checked in there, you know, my womanly biddies. I wanted to check my uterus, my ovaries and everything they could possibly check. Like I mentioned above, I’ve always had heavy, long, painful and irregular periods. I was terrified of having PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids or anything else that could be the reason why I was in pain every single cycle. I got an ultrasound done, all the urine tests…everything came back negative. No abnormalities. Except obviously my hormones were all out of whack. Other than that, according to my OB, everything looked good. Fast forward t...

Thanksgiving Without My Son I know I’m supposed to be thankful…that’s the Christian way, right?  This thanksgiving I’m supposed to act like my son didn’t die and like I’m not grieving and like I’m okay just so I don’t make anyone around me uncomfortable.  I know death makes most people so uncomfortable, so anxious and they never know what to say or how to act. This is why I’m so vocal about baby death (early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, infant loss). Back Story I’ve been vocal since after my first miscarriage, back in 2018. After I got out of what was the darkest days of my life, at the time, I started sharing about miscarriage on my social media. I didn’t realize how taboo it was until it happened to me, until I found myself feeling so alone, lost, frozen with pain…until I saw how uncomfortable my loved ones were when we even got close to the topic. The Lord made it clear then that I was to be a voice, at the very least for those around me and use my small platform to reach t...

Born and raised in Los Angeles, California. Lived part of my life in Guanajuato, Mexico. Married to the love of my life, Hazael, since 2019. Mama to Luca, born still and died due to placental abruption on June 2022. Mama to my rainbow babygirl Evie, who was born September 2023. Grieving the loss of my son and trying to survive the pain by doing the things I love…being a mama, creating makeup and fashion content. I am an Office Assistant at a mental health agency, makeup consultant and wellness advocate. I’ve been on a journey, since 2020, to remove heavy toxins and chemicals from my every day products like food, makeup, skincare, body care, perfume, laundry, household items, etc. and finding clean swaps to share on my social media! Follow me on Instagram  @flashywellness  which is where I share my favorite swaps, ways to heal internally, naturally and toxin-free, DIY recipes and so much more! Lover of all things makeup, skincare and fashion, you can follow me on Instagram...