Mom guilt…

 An unavoidable feeling… MOM GUILT.

“I haven’t visited his space since the first time we went with Evie…”

“I didn’t decorate his space for Christmas…”

“Am I doing enough for him?”

“Does he feel left out?”

“Am I failing him as his mama?”

“God, I hope he knows how much I love him…”

How can I not feel guilt when I’ve neglected his resting space? 

How can I not feel guilt when all my attention has been to surviving this newborn haze? 

How can I not feel guilt when I wish I could give my Luca the world and I can’t…

Having a second child is so hard, not because I don’t love them equally…but because I have to love them DIFFERENTLY.

The differences show up daily. 

In how I can hug my sweet babygirl and not my firstborn.

In how I can gaze into my Evie’s sweet eyes and not my Luca.

In how I can smile at her and see a smile back…oh how I wish I could’ve had that with my Luca.

I miss him so much IT HURTS.

I wish I could see him walking around, shouting with his cute, high pitch scream. 

I wish my only worry was how I can’t hold them both at the same time. 

So much that he’s missing out on. 

So much I wish he could see.

So much I wish he could experience.

So many experiences to live.

Instead, I’m left with this heavy grief that fills my head with guilt.

My sweet, sweet Luca.

Mommy would do ANYTHING to have you here, with me, where you belong. 

All my love, 

Mama 💚🌻